8. Lil Wayne - Tha Carter III

8. Lil Wayne - Tha Carter III

Coming in at #8 and winner of "The Year's Best Artist With 'Lil' In Their Name Award" is Lil Wayne and The Carter III (Lil' Mama's ChapStick was neither poppin' nor cool in '08) .

I'm gonna be honest. I've had some "rap beef" with Lil Wayne in the past. Not the kind of beef Biggie and Tupac had (me and Lil Wayne have never freestyle-battled...yet). Not the kind of beef G-Unit had with The Game. Not the fresh, never frozen beef you can get from Wendy's (I recommend the Baconator). It was, however, the same kind of beef that you might "have with that cool guy at the party." You know, who "is talking to a bunch of pretty girls" while you're "pretending to show interest in the Charlotte Bobcats play the Oklahoma City Thunder." Yeah. You "don't know who this guy even is," but he just seems "definitely cooler than you." He's even "wearing clothes that weren't purchased from the clearance rack at Kohl's" and has "a really sweet, crust-free chin-strap." So what do you do about this whole situation? Grow a chin-strap and hope this time you don't get strawberry jelly caught in it? No. You stay on the couch and hate. Maybe under your breath. Maybe to someone equally as pissed off as you. But in this situation, you definitely drink the "Haterade." It's a defense mechanism. It's innate. Same shit probably goes down on Orangutan Island.

I didn't like Lil Wayne cause he was the cool guy at the party. Any time one of his songs came on, people would go insane with joy. Since I wasn't a friend of Lil Wayne, I had to be a foe. It was my only option.

(Rather-Be-Pogging Fun Fact #1: Did you know white people need to rehearse their dance-moves before they go to parties? It's the only chance they have of looking somewhat cool)

But all of that is history. This year, I went up to that hypothetical cool guy and said "Damn, you are fucking cool as shit. Nice chin-strap. Not everyone can pull that off without looking like a tool. But you can. That is a testament to how cool you really are. How do you keep from getting food stuck in it all the time?"

In other words, this year I gave Mr. Carter a chance. With an open mind (and a bag of weed), I turned on The Carter III. And let me tell you something...I kept turning it on. I saw through his constant claims that he's "the best rapper alive," ignored his pointless speech about "feeling big" in the beginning of "Mr. Carter," and just pretended "Lollipop" was never even put on the album (we'll blame that one on the sizzurp). What I saw in Tha Carter III was simple: it was deep. Not like Walden Pond deep. But definitely deep. The album has mood swings, personality changes, and more guest appearances than Tropic Thunder. The album gives this generation of popular rappers an album that will be remembered. The whole time I had Lil Wayne pegged as being typical, but I'm finally seeing how innovative and in touch with his listeners he really is. And if that's not enough reason to check out Tha Carter III (you probably already checked it out, didn't you?) I compiled a few other reasons:

1. Dr. Carter - How hilarious would it be if Lil Wayne was a doctor? It would be like "Doogie Howser, M.D." meets "The Fresh Prince of Bell-Air" - except much more ridiculous and minus Carlton. Yes, in order to make the show realistic, all of his patients would have to die - even ones who had no preexisting illness before seeing Doc C. But you know Lil Wayne would definitely commemorate all those lost with some sort of bad-ass tattoo.
2. Phone Home - I KNEW IT!!! Lil Wayne finally admits he is an alien. Personally, after one look at him, I thought it should have been kind of obvious. If I had to guess, Planet Weezy is somewhere in the Andromeda Galaxy. My prediction: Lil Wayne's confession will trigger several other alien/celebrities coming out of the "extraterrestrial closet." I'm looking at you Seacrest.
3. Just look at the album cover
4. Sizzurp