9. Ruby Suns - Sea Lion

I'm not a Marketing major. I took a semester of it in high school, but ended up spending probably 90% of that 5th Period playing Mini-Putt (still pulled of an 'A' if you were wondering). However, I do watch (and criticize aloud to myself) a lot of TV commercials. And lately, I've noticed a trend - companies performing experiments on "real people" and using their secretly taped reactions to advertise the product.

Exhibit A - Whopper Freakout - Burger King takes away the whopper for a day and a bunch of red-necks freak the fuck out. For a second it looks like an episode of Intervention, and Burger King is telling Tyrone Biggums that they're all out of crack. I've never been more embarrassed to be an American. Al-Qaeda seriously might use these commercials to brainwash young Middle-Easterners into becoming America-hating terrorists.

Get me a whopper.

Exhibit B - The Mojave Experiment - You know what I'm talking about: Microsoft's attempt to stop the bleeding inflicted by those Apple commercials starring that pudgy Daily Show correspondent as "PC" and that little wiener from Accepted as "Mac." In the commercial, Microsoft has a group of people (primarily made up of the elderly who don't know how to operate computers and poor black people who can't afford computers) use a new, fake product called "Windows Mojave." After the people's positive reactions are recorded on hidden camera, it is revealed that "Windows Mojave" is really Microsoft's current product, Windows Vista. Then, I'm supposed to want a new computer.

Get me a Vista.

But then, and only then, in the last 5 seconds of "The Mojave Experiment" does something very big and important happen. Okay... fairly big and not really that important... neither big nor important. Still something happens. We're given a glimpse into Rather Be Pogging's #9 Album of the Year:

9. The Ruby Suns - Sea Lion

That's right. Coming in at #9 and winner of the "Excellence in Marketing Award" (presented by St. Joseph's University & the Haub School of Business) is Sea Lion by The Ruby Suns. Not anywhere near as shitty as the commercial it stars in, Sea Lion is the soundtrack to a movie (that never got filmed, written, or thought of until just right now) set in the 1980's about Brian Wilson doing acid on a tropical island (this is exactly what the music sounds like). In it Wilson (as played by Matthew McConaughey) falls in love with a native to the island, Tane Mahuta (as played by Sarah Jessica Parker). In order to convince Tane Mahuta that he is worthy of her love, Wilson must do acid and go on an Adventure Tour around the island, obviously singing Beach Boys' harmonies the whole entire trip. If he survives and can Remember seeing the Morning Sun, Wilson will have her hand in marriage. Terry Bradshaw costars as Mojave, a figment in one of Wilson's hallucinations who successfully convinces our protagonist to throw himself off a cliff. The movie actually is a dark/romantic comedy I’ve been working on called Failure To Launch 2: Tripping Balls In Hopes I'll Damage My Brain And Forget I Ever Actually Saw Failure To Launch.

Get me a McConaughey.