That 70's Post

(insert generic message about how I have not written in a while here)

Three things about today's post:

1) Who would have guessed Ashton Kutcher would have turned out to be such a douche (trucker hats, punk'd, Nikon camera commercials)? Growing up, Kelso from That 70's Show seemed like some sort of friendly, blissfully idiotic, joke-cracking half-brother of mine. Regardless, without the Kutch, this post would not be possible. So (trucker) hats of to the Forman Family and Company! (for the record, I also consider Wilmer Valderrama to be a douche bag)

2) Lately, I've been listening to a lot of music that just seems so reminiscent of the 60's/ 70's. I hate to slap a label the decade label on an artist. Saying "That guy sounds so much like Dylan," has become a cliche. But it's bound to happen. Trust me.

3) This post is in the form of an episode of That 70's Show that potentially fits somewhere into Season 4.

....

(opening credits)

(camera 1 gets shot of Forman's sitting down at dinner table)

Kitty: So Red, tell me about your day!
Red: Damnit Kitty, can't you tell that I'm grumpy. I've been grumpy in every damn episode for the past 4 seasons.
Eric: Geez Dad, why don't you give mom a break?
Red: How about I put my foot in your ass!
(laughter)
Eric: Gotta go... (Eric runs into the basement
Kitty: You didn't finish your meatloaf!
(laughter)

(shot of marijuana circle in the Forman's basement)
Kelso: Yeah man, it's like when I hear that album, Shallow Grave, by the Tallest Man on Earth, I just can't help make the comparisons to Bob Dylan. I know it's like so typical to make comparisons to Dylan, but he really does.
Eric: Oh, yeah. That guy sounds so much like Dylan. He's just... like... a little less Jewish sounding.
Fez: Is Dylan the name of that monkey on the cereal box?
(laughter)
Jackie: No, you idiot! Dylan is a type of car!
(even more laughter)
Red: (yelling from upstairs) Hey, Eric! Shallow Grave was a really good album! I can't believe it didn't make Rather Be Pogging's Top Albums of 2008 list. That piece of shit that writes for that blog probably didn't hear the album until 2009! That makes me want to kick your ass!

(transition of Eric and Hyde dancing in front of background scenery)
(Kelso, Hyde, Fez, and Eric in driveway shooting hoops)

Eric: Have any of you guys heard of that group The Dutchess and the Duke?
Kelso: No, but I've heard of the dutch-oven and the puke!
(laughter)
Eric: They are like a folkier version of the Rolling Stones. They got a real good album out called She's The Dutchess He's The Duke.
Fez: Rolling Stones? That was the national past time of the country I come from!
(laughter)
Hyde: Shut up, Fez. Forman is right. The guy's voice even sounds like Mick Jagger. I highly enjoy the song "Reservoir Park."
Red: (yelling from inside) Don't you bums have anything better to do? Get a job! Before I put my foot up each and every one of your asses!

(Jackie and Donna atop the water tower)
Jackie: Have you noticed that I'm prettier than you, Donna?
(laughter)
Donna: Shut up, Jackie.
Jackie: Don't be upset...your pretty too. In fact, you're kind of underrated!
Donna: You mean like that album Paranoid Cocoon by Cotton Jones?
Jackie: Exactly! They sound like if Johnny Cash had a great-grandson who was in some indie-folk-pop group!
Donna: Wait, what does indie mean?
Red:(flying by on a hang glider): I'm gonna kick both of your asses!!!!!

The Antlers - Hospice

The Antlers - Hospice

There is a significant difference between being "emotional" and being "emo." The one term has underlying notions regarding the feelings, thoughts, and behaviors one experiences as a result of the irony in one's life's triumphs and anguishes; the other describes the music Dashboard Confessional makes. It's not to say its necessity for music to be "emotional," but for some reason a lot of best music just seems to fall under that label (i.e. Arcade Fire's Funeral, Bon Iver's For Emma, Forever Ago). Music that has no "emotion" just seems like making love to a fleshlight - it might be worth your time for 10 minutes a day, but it won't bring any lasting satisfaction or joy to your life. Maybe that's why music with "emotion" is the kind of music that you can enjoy the longest. And maybe that's why music that is "emo" can be readily found in an 8th grade girl's Facebook status (Jennifer is... my hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me).

Perhaps the latest and greatest (and clearest) example of emotion in music comes from The Antlers' Hospice. Like Arcade Fire's Funeral, Hospice seems to centralize around the idea of life in its final stages. Hospices are centers that focus on lessening the symptoms of a terminally ill patient's symptoms and rely heavily on the help of volunteers to care for the terminally ill - a definition that seems to genuinely reverberate true throughout the album.

If the album is a concept album (which it seems to be), I have to applaud The Antlers because a hospice, thought dark, is in a certain, twisted way a beautiful place - the place people go to die. You have to wonder what can be learned from going to a place like that. Maybe that's why lyrically speaking, Hospice, has an endless amount of kinda-makes-you-think-a-little lines.

"You said you hated my tone, it made you feel so alone, and so you told me I ought to be leaving. But something kept me standing by that hospital bed, I should have quit but instead I took care of you. You made me sleep and uneven, and I didn't believe them when they told me that there was no saving you."

-

"With the bite of the teeth of that ring on my finger, I'm bound to your bedside, your eulogy singer. I'd happily take all those bullets inside you and put them inside of myself"

-

"Some patients can't be saved, but that burden's not on you. Don't ever let anyone tell you you deserve that"

I've only had this album for about 48 hours, so this could just be puppy love, but I'm gonna have to go ahead and give this a 47/48.

Cymbals Eat Guitars

Why, hello there. Long time, no blog - I'm aware. But sometimes you need to take a 21 day break just to create a little buzz (and believe me, I created a buzz). But since all of my fans kept begging me to write...

Cymbals Eat Guitars - Why There Are Mountains

I usually find bands with odd names to be a bit of a turnoff (other turnoffs for all those curious ladies out there: smoking cigarettes, telling me how drunk you are, using the expression "oh my god! hilarious!" more than once a conversation, not telling me how much you like my muscles). Then again, I have somehow got passed bands with names like Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Architecture in Helsinki, Death Cab For Cutie, I'm From Barcelona, and Vampire Weekend. Rumor has it members from this band are starting a supergroup called "Vampire, Clap Your Barcelona Death Architecture Say Helsinki" (this is neither true nor funny).

But honestly, under what circumstances would a cymbal (or a wild pack of cymbals) eat a guitar? That's like cannibalistic, isn't it? They work together in the same band!

That said, I was a bit reluctant to check out Cymbals Eat Guitars. But there's just something about their debut, Why There Are Mountains, that keeps me coming back for more. After long minutes of thinking and bad-joke making, I think I've found out what that something is:

- Song structures more windy than Lincoln Drive
- Hooks catchier than Jerry Rice's hands (assuming he doesn't have arthritis yet)
- A lead singer more believable than a Snapple Cap fact
- A string section and horn section that fill more holes than Ron Jeremy
- An old school indie-rock sound more reminiscent than an old person without a T.V.

There's just one question left: Why, exactly, are there mountains?

I think you and I both know the answer to that question.

Check out their cymbalseatguitarspace here.
Check out a letter David Cross wrote Larry the Cable Guy here.

Not Another Track Review

Hi all...long time, no write. To be honest, there's just been really nothing worth writing about. Blame it on the economy, I guess. But today I thought I'd share two tracks I've been both listening to and dancing nude to:

Remember that one song with like that guy and the girl who sing in it and like there's like whistling or some shit in it? The one that like Kanye sampled in one of his rap songs? It was like pretty catchy. I think it's a few years old at this point.

Well, the guys who brought you that song - Peter Bjorn and John - are about to release a new album and two of the tracks off of it are just the bee's knees. And this time they sound even more Peterbjornandjohn-ier - whatever that means.

"Nothing to Worry About" and "Lay it Down" provide a little insight into what we can expect from their new album, Living Thing, which is set to drop March 30th. By the looks of both "tap your foot even if that old guy on the subway is getting annoyed by it" tracks, the new album might have some promise - which just might be the remedy I've been looking for due to the lack of new albums to get excited about.

Talk about a stimulus package.

"1901"

Lately, I've been in need of something to just pump my fist to, ya know? Something that's really gonna make me 1999-style raise the roof. Well, problemo solved (translation: "problem solved").

I'd never heard of French pop group Phoenix (despite their 3, soon to be 4 albums) until about 7 hours ago. And as you might have guessed, for the past 7 hours I've been nonstop pumping my fist and raising the roof in jean-shorts and a sleeveless sweatshirt to "1901," a free download I picked up off their website. A funky disco track to be released with their next album, Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix, "1901" is just the tune I've been looking for to get my dance on. You can really only dance to "Gettin' Jiggy Wit It" for so many hours.

Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix to be released May 25, 2009 - around 218 years after Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart died.

Dark Was the Night

I'm fairly poor. Not giving-out-BJ's-for-10-bucks poor. But definitely typical-college-student-living-off-"za"-and-Hurricane-40's poor. That said, I am prone to illegally stealing music (and porn) off the internet. I can't help it. I figure it's better to steal internet music than church money.

But for the first time in a good while, I'm purchasing some music. The catch? Not only does Dark Was the Night contain 30+ tunes from some of my favorite artists, it also goes to a good cause (that is if you consider AIDS a good cause). Now, I'm not here to tell you to go out and buy this indie-tastic compilation (or to turn Atheists into believers), I'm just saying this is certainly one album that I won't be stealing. Plus, it's produced by two of the guys from The National. What more could you want?

Now, you're probably saying "Oh, I don't know Mr. Blogger. With this economy, I don't know if I really should be buying music."

I'm already a step ahead of you - if not two or three steps. That's why I created Rather Be Pogging's first ever "Circle The Appropriate Word To Describe Your Situation" to better aid your thought process in deciding between right and wrong:

"I am a (college student/ over-the-hill parent/ robot from the future) who is desperately in need of some new, good music in order to (impress a chick and get laid/ convince my child I can be cool/ better disguise myself so I can blend in with humans). I did (hear about/ internally process via my splectwettor drive) a new 'indie' music compilation called Dark Was the Night. Maybe I'll just illegally download it. With this economy, it's better to really save the $10-$15 and spend it on (weed and Family Guy DVDs/ the sale coming up at Sears' Hardware/ robot stuff) rather than actually buy the compilation. Oh, wait (a fucking second/ a gosh-darn minute/ .0193 nanoseconds). Apparently, this money goes to a good cause. That would be pretty (dick/ inappropriate/ inhuman) if I just downloaded it. I mean c'mon. How can I forget the fact that I (saw Philadelphia/ knew a guy who died of AIDS/ don't know what AIDS is because I'm a robot). Maybe I shouldn't steal this. Maybe I should just buy it. In fact, I'm gonna buy it as soon as I'm done (looking at beach pics of this chick on Facebook/ complaining about paying bills to anyone who will listen/ finding John Connor)."

You're welcome.

M. Ward - Hold Time

M. Ward - Hold Time

Genre: Reverse-cowgirl folk

M. Ward's past three albums (Post-War, Transistor Radio, Transfiguration of Vincent) have been nothing short of bodacious. In my mind, Mr. Ward can do no wrong.

But like most things in my life that seem to be damn near perfect (my myspace girlfriend, my recent large investment in Circuit City, Jeff Foxworthy's brand of Peppered Beef Jerky), M. Ward's newest album, Hold Time, is a bit of a disappointment. Maybe I should've expected that eventually M. Ward will produce something other than pure gold (also I should've expected the myspace girl to really be a 45 year old man, I should've known better than to take financial advice from a 3rd grader, I should've known anything Jeff Foxworthy is associated with is going to be god awful).

It's not to say that I don't enjoy Hold Time; opening track "For Beginners" is an immidiate success, only perhaps to be outdone by "Rave On." But regarding its feel as a whole album, Hold Time never accomplishes what his previous albums did, which unfortunately for M. Ward is not an easy task. The emotions are too scattered when they rarely do appear, the title track is far from whatever the rest of the album is trying to do, and overall its too rock 'n roll for my liking. Once the album is finished, you're left with this empty feeling - kind of like you were waiting and waiting for M. Ward to do something classically significant on the album, but it never ended up coming. Instead, it's probably off somewhere with your ex-girlfriend ordering drinks and appetizers at Red Lobster because one of its friends is the assistant manager and can probably get the two of them a nice discount.

M. Ward is at his best when he's riding on the simplicity of his hazy voice and cleverly flirtatious guitar work. "I'll Be Yr Bird," "Fool Says," and "Chinese Translation" are testaments to this. His previous albums always felt like they were something from a time long ago in a place far away yet so familiar. There was a certain exoticism to each of his albums. This album, although it has a handful of above average tracks, lacks that feel. It seems too ordinary. Maybe if I wasn't so familiar with M. Ward's previous work this album might feel a lot better, but it's only natural to compare.

If this album were a movie sequel it would be Might Ducks 3. And that is my rating.